What an interesting blog this is turning out to be

Although I've tried to be more discreet, this blog is essentially becoming my "truth" blog.

And it is here, that I will candidly admit I did not get into UCLA. It hurt for a few seconds, but then I was over it. Honestly, it was kind of a blessing in disguise. Because now, as stressful as it is, I have another chance to pick my future out of a hat...or rather, to really REALLY think about what I want to be in life.

I'll probably end up telling ppl anyway, in my policy of unfortunate honesty.

So now, my headache, which was blissfully removed by a hot shower, has returned in full force.

Why is it that it's so hard for me to decide between law and English phD? Now that I know t hat I'm already bored of teaching, now it's time for me to think about wtf I want to do.

I try to think about what I will regret both ways.

In law, I would regret sleep and being a stereotypically good person. No more smiling nice eyes, no more coddling fourth graders or going to sleep at night knowing I'm a good person. My conscience is on sale for a fixed price.

In English, I would regret....time. Because after four + years of study, it no longer glitters the same way it did. I believe I referred to English as my happy divorce- after Berkeley, we parted on amicable terms.

Gosh. I could apply to Claremont, and teach for a year. but that's just time a-wastin, and more student loans which will inevitably pile up on top of my old ones.

I could apply to some PCC study abroad thing, just to get the hell out of Arcadia. But that again, is wasting money and precious time. I could be home, at an internship or working on my grad school apps- if I applied to law school, I would definitely apply to places like NYU or Hastings or even LA one last time, early decision.

If I applied to ENglish, I'd hae to...

fuck.