"a secret place, of dreams and mystery, potential and mists and beauty shrouded in notes and words.."
I think I'm going to start writing a book.
Other than that...I had the weirdest dream. I met my daughter...or some dark eyed, curly haired girl that I knew was my daughter (she looked like the girl from Gone with the Wind). There was a baby boy too, and I was on some sort of mission to get them back...to win them back and correct my mistakes. And there was also something about a Korean supermarket and even Rhett Butler, playing some jokes, but the one part I remember is seeing my daughter and catching her in my arms in a fierce hug. And in that moment, I felt so much love, protectiveness, so much heart for her.
And when I woke up, when it was all dissipated and I was alone in my messy room, waking up to a messy house...I felt like I have not loved in awhile. My heart is not dead- not at the infantile age of 22- but it is pumping blood weakly, both literally and figuratively. The most love I have felt lately is a) when I saw my best friend up north and b) last night, post-tmv mini birthday reunion, when I realized that our newfound grownup bonds of "hey, so what have you been up to the past year?" is actually quite enjoyable.
My heart is scared. I have not arduously loved in a long time....in months, perhaps. The fire was quite effectively stamped out.
Hell. I'm scared. There are some days, after busy days like yesterdya....god what did I do. I had to make a study guide, correct Chris's friend's paper, mail some Claremont stuff in, teach, TMV dinner then the lame ass hangout at bar louie's....
There are some days when I have a bunch to do but all I want to do is hide at home, with the lights off, watchings stupid tv and listening to music and writing and/or reading and well...dwelling in daydreams. where the world is soft and safe and unviolated and quiet and dim....a wonderful place to seek shelter from all the madness outside.
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