Good things come to good people

Is that really true? I come here to muse, usually depressingly, but now i'm curious in addition in a dark sort of way. We all know of people- famous or near us- who are just pure evil and don't seem to get what they to deserve. But dare it be possible that "nature craves all dues rendered to their owners?" did i even get that quote right? lol.

i think women realize far earlier than men that life is more pleasant when you connect with people. and for a lot of people (women in particular), connecting means acoomodating. it means getting them a hot plate of food (mom) or bringing sancks to class (phoebe) or opening your house for a yard sale (frances) or just doing general favorable things. men realize this later, which is approximately/hopefully when they begin to take care of their families. and i suppose the bitterness everyone holds- particualrly the viscious bitchiness women can have- shows how hard all of that can be.

i know that sacrificing yourself is wrong. sometimes i still wonder if i err in that area. but i don't teach because i'm doing it "for the children". i mean, that's part of the reason, but not in an idiotic way. i do it because i'm good at it, and because i enjoy it, and it's conducive to family life which is my ultimate goal. and those are damn good reasons that i can back up more than ever now.

anyway, i guess i was just wondering if people really do get what they deserve. i mean dad's sick an dmiserable....i even worry he'll just go ape shit crazy one day lol. but even if he does something horrible to us, he'd have it on his conscious forever and the entire town would remember him as an awful man. and he would hate that lol.

i wonder.....all the good things i've done thus far, for everyone from pedro to steph and mom? am i repaying my massive debts of being a teenage nightmare and a little bitch of a tease and a horrible friend? how's my karmatic credit, man in the sky? i'm hoping that i've paid it all off and i'm earning some to store. Maybe my reward is in that pure feeling of a clean conscious when I drive to school and see birds fly overhead, listening to a vaguely comforting/inspirational song.

who knows, eh?